SOUTHERNisims

Today we look at things unique to the South, Southern People and all things Southern
A few phrases I've heard include ;


He's so clumsy he'd trip over a cordless phone.He's about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.That's about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.He couldn't carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it.She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.It happened faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.NO!! I AM NOT FALLING ASLEEP!! I was just checking for holes in my eyelids.

Words =        Buggy =   cart,  fixin' to = about to,  mater, tater =  Tomato, Potato,  All y'all, Chief Cook and Bottle Washer, Chief Cook and Bottle Washer= jack of all trades, goober = peanut, Hankering= craving, hear tell= 2nd hand gossip,like to =   almost.

 OK   there are a few.  I welcome any I missed. WE have such an interesting

Today's Random Thoughts. 8-28-11

• What is up with this crazy weather?   Earthquakes, Hurricanes, Floods, sweltering heat, tornadoes.You name it, it's happening somewhere. Why?   You tell me!  

• Ever wish your friends, or at least some of them were your family?  For me, They already are my family, and by CHOICE,    unlike certain blood relatives.

• Imagine just how much nicer your day would be if only half of the folks you interact with smiled or just performed random acts of kindness throughout the day.      I M A G I N E!Maybe that is contagious and needs to start with You?

• WHY does Southern food taste so good, but is so bad for us? Who's idea was that?

• Is it me or does  popular music make less sense than it used to..    Or is it just generational?

DIVORCE & FATHERHOOD III - a dad's perspective

Straight up, being a divorced dad stinks and is very difficult and often painful. my daughter was yanked out of my everyday life &hers at age 3.  Some background, When Sarah was born, I was right there.   I sat in a hospital nursery rocker and rocked her all night, her first night of life as her mom recovered from a hard delivery.  It was I that took the responsibility of getting up nights with her after she came home.  I loved every minute of those sleepless nights. I took on the role as primary caregiver throughout those first three years.    Despite this, the courts in their biased approach, automatically gave the advantage of custody to her mom. It broke my heart (still not healed) when the court ruled that I could only see my little girl  every other weekend and 2 hours on Thursdays.   So  there you have it, I went from 168 hours a week to 26 hours  with the stroke of a pen and the antiquated prejudice that mothers automatically are the better parent.  I know that in many, if not most cases, that is accurate, but not in mine.  I was/am at the least, an equal parent.. I have made the best of my time with Sarah, emphasising quality over quantity of time.  However this is not easy on her or I. as a result, there were lots of tears from both Sarah and I   every time she had to leave my house.  I pray that in the near future, our courts look at custody on a case by case basis and get rid of the old stereotypes.  Thank you for your time in reading this short series on a very serious subject.

DIVORCE&FATHERHOOD II - a child's perspective

As previously stated, the real loser in a divorce is   the child that is deprived of one of their parents. which is usually the Father.   As a child,  As for me, I had to deal with the fallout of three divorces as a child.  The first was when I was just one year old. Although I did not feel the impact immediately, I paid the price in many ways throughout my childhood and teenage years as I was deprived of knowing my Dad's family due to decisions made by  him, my mom & her 2nd husband.   This in turn was indirectly responsible for my being molested when I was 9 by an Uncle from my mom's second husband's family   .    I was adopted by the 2nd husband and lost my birth name (Forest Carl Free II) as a result.   Missing out on knowing my Free family while growing up is another negative to that first divorce.   the next two divorces of my mom was from the same man.  Although he was never a good father, he was still the only one I thought I had until I was 16.   The bottom line for me  as a child, is I really missed out not having a father in my life  nearly my whole childhood.  Some may argue, but I will tell you that when possible, it is ALWAYS better for a dad to be included in a child's life.   Stay tuned for the next blog where I'll give some personal perspective from a Divorced Dad's point of view

DIVORCE & FATHERHOOD I

There is never really a winner when a family breaks up.   Although the kids are the big loser, this blog will focus mainly on the fatherhood aspect.  First, some background, as  a child of multiple divorces and a divorced father myself, I have firsthand experience on this subject.  
One important point here is to remember  the divorce is between the husband and wife.   Fatherhood does  NOT end just because everyone is not living under the same roof anymore.  In fact, the quality of fatherhood is more important due to the lack of close interaction.  Children need to KNOW you love them, no matter what.   As we all know, men & women are wired differently and often view the same thing two different ways.  This is why we Dads  must stay connected.  Our children need a well rounded upbringing that includes many different views.  This helps them to be able to better function in this diverse world we live in.   Stay tuned to my next blog for more thoughts and real life experiences with Fatherhood and

MANNERS

....or the lack thereof....   This is one of , if not, the biggest pet peeve I have.  There is just no excuse for bad manners.  I'm not just talking about ma'aming or siring either.  Although those are important and should be incorporated in every day language.  As  for me, I ma'am or sir regardless of age or standing, even  children.  I do that as an example to them .  Other forms of good manners could include, assisting those in need, not interrupting during a conversation,  treating a lady like a lady, holding the door for anyone, proper eating etiquette,  respectful behavior in general goes a long way.   As a rule it appears many of the younger generation have grown up without proper instruction.  Although I have encountered some very well mannered young folks and some ill-mannered seniors.  So there are exceptions.  It's not hard people.  Try it, you just might make some one's day

Brain or Heart?

Some of the biggest mistakes we make are due to making a decision with the brain rather than the heart   OR the other way around..  I find a pretty general rule of thumb works for me.  When dealing with people or animals, lead with your heart & when dealing with all other matters, particularly as related to business, lead with your brain.  Too often we let our emotions (heart) get in the way of deciding business matters and just as often we let our logic(brain) overshadow the humanness (heart) in our dealings with other living creatures.   So how does one accomplish this you may ask.   what works for me, Carl is to make my heart the default master of my decision making and try to  stop and think (brain) about business related matters before taking action on them.   At worse, you occasionally make a business decision  with your heart that may cost you, but I'd rather err on the side of humanness.   question is, how will YOU handle these situations?

Irreversible Heart Damage

This blog is not about medical heart damage but that of a much worse type, emotional heart damage.  You see, today is the tragic 1 year anniversary  of the accident that took young Max Spears almost 2 years old life long before his time.    His loss has left an unhealing hole in the heart of many that I love and care about including his mommy &Daddy( Amy&Robbie), his Mamie (my Rhonda) & lots of others.  I was only honored to get to meet Max one time via video & I treasure that moment because I see what this little guy means to so many!
This day has dreaded for some time, knowing the pain & Anguish it would revisit on these wonderful people..I feel impotent in that I cannot ease their pain or lighten their burden today.  I've reached the conclusion that the only thing that can be done is to hold and love one another.

RIP Max!   you are missed and LOVED GREATLY!!!  

Defining Influences - non/Family

These men were probably a more consistent influence on me as I saw them on a more regular basis.  Again, in chronological order by  MY age.

• Dennis Swanger  -  PE  Teacher 10 years old.   Mr. Swanger helped to teach me about teamwork and how to accept diversity as the schools had just integrated and I was never shown at home to accept people regardless of race.
•  Al Pierce -   Church mentor at 10-11 years old & fellow coach at 25.   Mr.Pierce took the time when I was a kid to show me that I was important to God.    At 25  I had the privilege of coaching his then 6 yr. old son Matt & Mr. Pierce served as an assistant coach with me.  He continued the lessons he started earlier and shared the same with the young men on our football team.. Mr.  Pierce showed me  about Honor, Honesty & to Trust in God in my dealings with him.  I learned a lot from this man.
• Ben Pruitt-   church mentor age 11-12    Ben was my  RA's instructor and through that organization he taught many of us boy's some of the basics of being  respectable young men.  He would be defined today as a "man's man"  which if you don't know, means...  a man that other men admire for their being a good &decent man while maintaining a bit of toughness.Ben helped to instill in me my lifelong commitment to protecting the underdog.
• George Hale - Boy Scout instructor      12-14 years old.  George was  troop 650's Scout Master and he started me in my passion of outdoor activities like camping, fishing, hiking and more!  George was the perfect example of a scoutmaster.  He was  Honorable, Dutiful and Godly.  George was tough and yet compassionate.   He helped to instill devotion to community service in me.
• Don  Baggett - 13-17 years old.     Coach Baggett was probably my  main male role model throughout my teenage years.  He coached me in Baseball & Basketball.  We were fortunate  enough to win multiple County championships under Coach Baggett's guidance.   He taught me a lot about teamwork, working hard and making the most of your God given abilities.  Coach Baggett inspired me to do something That has been a highlight in my life and that is to coach young people in athletics, which I did for about 15 years at all types of levels & sports.  Coach Baggett was a special person that was a help to me at a vulnerable time in my life.

I am very thankful these men stepped up in my life during times no other's would.        I try to carry on their work by helping young men in the same way.  I've been blessed to hear from some that said I had a positive impact on them. as well.


I suppose the lesson here is that young men/boys need positive male role models in their life and the best person for that is their Father, if possible.  However, sometimes  he doesn't do the job and the rest of us need to step up.  So, whatever your role,  JUST DO IT!

Defining Influences - Family

Today's blog will cover the positive male role models in my life that are family.  Again, in chronological order.

• Uncle Junior Rosselot -     Uncle Jr. is my mother's older brother.  He was the most intelligent & well-read person in the Rosselot family.    He was a traditional man that believed in taking care of his family through leadership and strategic thinking.   I learned the importance of honor and "walking the walk" from him.  He had a sense of humor through tough decisions and I think I picked up that same trait from him.My business savvy can be attributed to the example he set for me.  Thanks &  RIP Uncle Junior.
•  Jerry Rosselot -   my cousin Jerry was 8 years older than me and was more like a big brother than a cousin.  Like his dad, Jerry was highly intelligent and driven to excel but not at the expense of family.  He taught me  when he was a teenager (in the 60s) to not follow the crowd and to be honorable and respectful to my elders.  He is the one that  instilled my desire to play basketball and other sports.  Jerry, as he became an adult showed me how to prioritize family & work,  I will always be thankful for not only the great example he set for me but for his leadership and friendship he showed me.  Thanks Jerry &    RIP.
• Uncle Charles Free- Sadly, due to circumstances not in my control, I didn't get much interaction with Charles until I was about 20.   Charles is  without a doubt the most positive male influence in my life. He showed me, through example, what a good son, good father, good husband and a good citizen of the world was all about.  There are many words to describe him.   Honorable, Loyal, Devoted, good humored, decent!  Charles still provides these examples to me & others and I love him for it!  Thank You Charles!!!

      stay tuned to my next blog where I'll share those non-family men that were role models to me.