Are YOU making a Difference?

Somewhere during  my lifetime (52 years)  it seems that many have either lost the ability or have simply chose to stop making a difference.    If you don't know what I'm talking about, then likely you are one of those.

There are many things someone could do to make a difference  but that is an individual choice and entirely up to you.     Something as simple as a smile or a hello to  someone could change  not only their day, but perhaps their life.      Other differences could come in the form of volunteering to help someone in need.  There are many organizations that have needs, as well as people in your community, perhaps your next door neighbor.
It becomes easy when you make being nice, mannerly & respectful  the norm to everyone.   I guess the key word here is "selfless"   If folks  would put others  NEEDS  in front of their desires, think of the difference they'd make in others.  So,   what Difference are you going to make today?

FAMILY EVOLUTION

The past 18 months has seen a huge  shift in my personal life.  Of course at the forefront was my rediscovering Rhonda and the subsequent relationship that has lead to our marriage.  Beyond that, there have been  huge shifts in other family.  The negative has been the estrangement of the  people I had thought were my  primary family members.  However, the addition has more than balanced that out.  I have gained  all of these  FANTASTIC people from Rhonda's family.  Additionally I have become much closer to my sisters in Kentucky  & their sweet families.
I guess the point in sharing this is to bring attention to the fact  Family often  evolves and for the better.  I am now surrounded by happy, positive people.  I  wish I could share this happiness with some of my estranged family  and hopefully one day that will happen.

a FAMILY ANALOGY

A family is much like a sports team. You have different types of family "players".  There is at least one "star" but most are " role players" with varying degrees of skill in being a family contributor.  There is usually at least one that contributes little and usually detracts from the  family "team".    The most dangerous one to the success  (happiness) of the family is usually one that overvalues their role.  Most families have at least one of these.  The parent(s) generally serve in a coach/manager role. but sometimes abdicate that to another which as you can imagine can lead to the creation of the aforementioned overvalued member. As with sports, the only way a family can be truly successful (happy) is for everyone to know their role and fulfill it.

sense of calm!

just a few thoughts about my girl - My relationship with Rhonda not only fills my heart with love.  It gives me a sense of   "calm" unlike I've ever experienced.   it is hard to describe the soothing    no- drama or pressure feeling I have with Rhonda by   my side!!  I can literally feel the "peaceful easy feeling" envelop me when she's close by.   I  honestly feel that being married to  her will add years to my life due to this calmness.

Don't interpret calm for boring though because she is anything but that.  She is a high energy exciting woman.
Well, those are my thoughts today about my bride.

GIFT to ME

Well  it's  3 days until I will be honored by Rhonda being my bride.  I am  as excited as a child 3 days before Christmas or their birthday    Times a trillion.  You see, much as a child is eager to receive a special gift from Santa and/or their parents, I too am receiving a gift!  God has honored me by bringing Rhonda into my life.  The greatest earthly gift I can think of.  As an added bonus, SAhe is a  LIFETIME gift  All i can do is tip my hat to the "keeper of the stars"  for  his gift.   THANK YOU LORD for this  wonderful woman!  I will honor your gift by treating her with as much love as any man has for their wife.

Battle between Optimism & Pessimism

Today's blog centers around quite possibly the most important choice you make.   The result of your choice will affect every single thought & action of the day.  There are many metaphors  or names that describe this choice.  Some are;        half full or empty glass, looking through rose colored glasses, "Gloomy Gus", and so on.  I'm sure you get the point by now.   I recognize that not everyone has the same "strong constitution" that I have, so I know this  CHOICE is more difficult for some.  For those of you able, Choosing to be an Optimist  is the obvious choice!  After all, Why would anyone choose to be surrounded by negative energy?  As  for me, I try  to spread  some of my optimistic view with others.  Often I think this "boost" is all some need in order to choose a more positive life.  My question for  YOU is, What  CHOICE have you made today?

2nd time around at 50

Well okay, actually 52.    years that is.  As in  old.   The past year has been a bit of a whirlwind. in the romance department.  I reconnected with someone from my childhood and discovered  I was supposed to have been with her all along.   Better late than never some would say.     ABSOLUTELY!   Soul mates?   NOPE  because that would be defined as two equal but separate souls and we are of the  SAME soul!
The fact that this is happening to me at my age  should prove to all that it's never too late to find the  ONE person you are meant for.
As for the wedding "stuff"  I am enjoying it this time around.  The first time seemed more like a chore in an attempt for perfection.  This time, with Rhonda, it's already perfect!  My enjoyment  is in watching her excitement when she plans and talks about it.   Her happiness is my happiness.

a few thoughts on Teachers & Education

Higher salary for teachers is always good, but it alone will not improve the education process. Here is what will: colleges and universities need to be more selective on who they allow to work toward a teaching degree (as they do with medical doctors) College/university professors need to be held accountable to a very strict, higher level of what and how they teach a future teacher. When we (our colleges/universities) start graduating true professional teachers, our public school systems need to start replacing the people that now call themselves teachers but really are only there for the money. To do this we will have to discontinue the teaching security of 'tenure'. Make it so a teacher has to 'earn' (through great teaching) the right to remain a teacher each and every year. After doing these things we will need to reward teachers at the highest salary levels. Remember this: There would be no other types of professionals without teachers!

SOUTHERNisims

Today we look at things unique to the South, Southern People and all things Southern
A few phrases I've heard include ;


He's so clumsy he'd trip over a cordless phone.He's about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.That's about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.He couldn't carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it.She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.It happened faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.NO!! I AM NOT FALLING ASLEEP!! I was just checking for holes in my eyelids.

Words =        Buggy =   cart,  fixin' to = about to,  mater, tater =  Tomato, Potato,  All y'all, Chief Cook and Bottle Washer, Chief Cook and Bottle Washer= jack of all trades, goober = peanut, Hankering= craving, hear tell= 2nd hand gossip,like to =   almost.

 OK   there are a few.  I welcome any I missed. WE have such an interesting

Today's Random Thoughts. 8-28-11

• What is up with this crazy weather?   Earthquakes, Hurricanes, Floods, sweltering heat, tornadoes.You name it, it's happening somewhere. Why?   You tell me!  

• Ever wish your friends, or at least some of them were your family?  For me, They already are my family, and by CHOICE,    unlike certain blood relatives.

• Imagine just how much nicer your day would be if only half of the folks you interact with smiled or just performed random acts of kindness throughout the day.      I M A G I N E!Maybe that is contagious and needs to start with You?

• WHY does Southern food taste so good, but is so bad for us? Who's idea was that?

• Is it me or does  popular music make less sense than it used to..    Or is it just generational?

DIVORCE & FATHERHOOD III - a dad's perspective

Straight up, being a divorced dad stinks and is very difficult and often painful. my daughter was yanked out of my everyday life &hers at age 3.  Some background, When Sarah was born, I was right there.   I sat in a hospital nursery rocker and rocked her all night, her first night of life as her mom recovered from a hard delivery.  It was I that took the responsibility of getting up nights with her after she came home.  I loved every minute of those sleepless nights. I took on the role as primary caregiver throughout those first three years.    Despite this, the courts in their biased approach, automatically gave the advantage of custody to her mom. It broke my heart (still not healed) when the court ruled that I could only see my little girl  every other weekend and 2 hours on Thursdays.   So  there you have it, I went from 168 hours a week to 26 hours  with the stroke of a pen and the antiquated prejudice that mothers automatically are the better parent.  I know that in many, if not most cases, that is accurate, but not in mine.  I was/am at the least, an equal parent.. I have made the best of my time with Sarah, emphasising quality over quantity of time.  However this is not easy on her or I. as a result, there were lots of tears from both Sarah and I   every time she had to leave my house.  I pray that in the near future, our courts look at custody on a case by case basis and get rid of the old stereotypes.  Thank you for your time in reading this short series on a very serious subject.

DIVORCE&FATHERHOOD II - a child's perspective

As previously stated, the real loser in a divorce is   the child that is deprived of one of their parents. which is usually the Father.   As a child,  As for me, I had to deal with the fallout of three divorces as a child.  The first was when I was just one year old. Although I did not feel the impact immediately, I paid the price in many ways throughout my childhood and teenage years as I was deprived of knowing my Dad's family due to decisions made by  him, my mom & her 2nd husband.   This in turn was indirectly responsible for my being molested when I was 9 by an Uncle from my mom's second husband's family   .    I was adopted by the 2nd husband and lost my birth name (Forest Carl Free II) as a result.   Missing out on knowing my Free family while growing up is another negative to that first divorce.   the next two divorces of my mom was from the same man.  Although he was never a good father, he was still the only one I thought I had until I was 16.   The bottom line for me  as a child, is I really missed out not having a father in my life  nearly my whole childhood.  Some may argue, but I will tell you that when possible, it is ALWAYS better for a dad to be included in a child's life.   Stay tuned for the next blog where I'll give some personal perspective from a Divorced Dad's point of view

DIVORCE & FATHERHOOD I

There is never really a winner when a family breaks up.   Although the kids are the big loser, this blog will focus mainly on the fatherhood aspect.  First, some background, as  a child of multiple divorces and a divorced father myself, I have firsthand experience on this subject.  
One important point here is to remember  the divorce is between the husband and wife.   Fatherhood does  NOT end just because everyone is not living under the same roof anymore.  In fact, the quality of fatherhood is more important due to the lack of close interaction.  Children need to KNOW you love them, no matter what.   As we all know, men & women are wired differently and often view the same thing two different ways.  This is why we Dads  must stay connected.  Our children need a well rounded upbringing that includes many different views.  This helps them to be able to better function in this diverse world we live in.   Stay tuned to my next blog for more thoughts and real life experiences with Fatherhood and

MANNERS

....or the lack thereof....   This is one of , if not, the biggest pet peeve I have.  There is just no excuse for bad manners.  I'm not just talking about ma'aming or siring either.  Although those are important and should be incorporated in every day language.  As  for me, I ma'am or sir regardless of age or standing, even  children.  I do that as an example to them .  Other forms of good manners could include, assisting those in need, not interrupting during a conversation,  treating a lady like a lady, holding the door for anyone, proper eating etiquette,  respectful behavior in general goes a long way.   As a rule it appears many of the younger generation have grown up without proper instruction.  Although I have encountered some very well mannered young folks and some ill-mannered seniors.  So there are exceptions.  It's not hard people.  Try it, you just might make some one's day

Brain or Heart?

Some of the biggest mistakes we make are due to making a decision with the brain rather than the heart   OR the other way around..  I find a pretty general rule of thumb works for me.  When dealing with people or animals, lead with your heart & when dealing with all other matters, particularly as related to business, lead with your brain.  Too often we let our emotions (heart) get in the way of deciding business matters and just as often we let our logic(brain) overshadow the humanness (heart) in our dealings with other living creatures.   So how does one accomplish this you may ask.   what works for me, Carl is to make my heart the default master of my decision making and try to  stop and think (brain) about business related matters before taking action on them.   At worse, you occasionally make a business decision  with your heart that may cost you, but I'd rather err on the side of humanness.   question is, how will YOU handle these situations?

Irreversible Heart Damage

This blog is not about medical heart damage but that of a much worse type, emotional heart damage.  You see, today is the tragic 1 year anniversary  of the accident that took young Max Spears almost 2 years old life long before his time.    His loss has left an unhealing hole in the heart of many that I love and care about including his mommy &Daddy( Amy&Robbie), his Mamie (my Rhonda) & lots of others.  I was only honored to get to meet Max one time via video & I treasure that moment because I see what this little guy means to so many!
This day has dreaded for some time, knowing the pain & Anguish it would revisit on these wonderful people..I feel impotent in that I cannot ease their pain or lighten their burden today.  I've reached the conclusion that the only thing that can be done is to hold and love one another.

RIP Max!   you are missed and LOVED GREATLY!!!  

Defining Influences - non/Family

These men were probably a more consistent influence on me as I saw them on a more regular basis.  Again, in chronological order by  MY age.

• Dennis Swanger  -  PE  Teacher 10 years old.   Mr. Swanger helped to teach me about teamwork and how to accept diversity as the schools had just integrated and I was never shown at home to accept people regardless of race.
•  Al Pierce -   Church mentor at 10-11 years old & fellow coach at 25.   Mr.Pierce took the time when I was a kid to show me that I was important to God.    At 25  I had the privilege of coaching his then 6 yr. old son Matt & Mr. Pierce served as an assistant coach with me.  He continued the lessons he started earlier and shared the same with the young men on our football team.. Mr.  Pierce showed me  about Honor, Honesty & to Trust in God in my dealings with him.  I learned a lot from this man.
• Ben Pruitt-   church mentor age 11-12    Ben was my  RA's instructor and through that organization he taught many of us boy's some of the basics of being  respectable young men.  He would be defined today as a "man's man"  which if you don't know, means...  a man that other men admire for their being a good &decent man while maintaining a bit of toughness.Ben helped to instill in me my lifelong commitment to protecting the underdog.
• George Hale - Boy Scout instructor      12-14 years old.  George was  troop 650's Scout Master and he started me in my passion of outdoor activities like camping, fishing, hiking and more!  George was the perfect example of a scoutmaster.  He was  Honorable, Dutiful and Godly.  George was tough and yet compassionate.   He helped to instill devotion to community service in me.
• Don  Baggett - 13-17 years old.     Coach Baggett was probably my  main male role model throughout my teenage years.  He coached me in Baseball & Basketball.  We were fortunate  enough to win multiple County championships under Coach Baggett's guidance.   He taught me a lot about teamwork, working hard and making the most of your God given abilities.  Coach Baggett inspired me to do something That has been a highlight in my life and that is to coach young people in athletics, which I did for about 15 years at all types of levels & sports.  Coach Baggett was a special person that was a help to me at a vulnerable time in my life.

I am very thankful these men stepped up in my life during times no other's would.        I try to carry on their work by helping young men in the same way.  I've been blessed to hear from some that said I had a positive impact on them. as well.


I suppose the lesson here is that young men/boys need positive male role models in their life and the best person for that is their Father, if possible.  However, sometimes  he doesn't do the job and the rest of us need to step up.  So, whatever your role,  JUST DO IT!

Defining Influences - Family

Today's blog will cover the positive male role models in my life that are family.  Again, in chronological order.

• Uncle Junior Rosselot -     Uncle Jr. is my mother's older brother.  He was the most intelligent & well-read person in the Rosselot family.    He was a traditional man that believed in taking care of his family through leadership and strategic thinking.   I learned the importance of honor and "walking the walk" from him.  He had a sense of humor through tough decisions and I think I picked up that same trait from him.My business savvy can be attributed to the example he set for me.  Thanks &  RIP Uncle Junior.
•  Jerry Rosselot -   my cousin Jerry was 8 years older than me and was more like a big brother than a cousin.  Like his dad, Jerry was highly intelligent and driven to excel but not at the expense of family.  He taught me  when he was a teenager (in the 60s) to not follow the crowd and to be honorable and respectful to my elders.  He is the one that  instilled my desire to play basketball and other sports.  Jerry, as he became an adult showed me how to prioritize family & work,  I will always be thankful for not only the great example he set for me but for his leadership and friendship he showed me.  Thanks Jerry &    RIP.
• Uncle Charles Free- Sadly, due to circumstances not in my control, I didn't get much interaction with Charles until I was about 20.   Charles is  without a doubt the most positive male influence in my life. He showed me, through example, what a good son, good father, good husband and a good citizen of the world was all about.  There are many words to describe him.   Honorable, Loyal, Devoted, good humored, decent!  Charles still provides these examples to me & others and I love him for it!  Thank You Charles!!!

      stay tuned to my next blog where I'll share those non-family men that were role models to me.

Defining Influences

I grew up in a divorced household and thus a  fatherless home.  That being the case and being a boy, I sought out older male influences which to model my behavior after.  There were many from early childhood until I was about 30.   My blogs will be a chronicle of these men and how they helped to shape me into the man I am today.  These men were anything from older relatives to teachers and coaches  Like me, none of these men were perfect but I think I was  able to take something positive and lasting  from each.  I hope you enjoy these blogs as much as I will the memories they will bring up.  I will list them in chronological order starting from my earliest age.   There may be some familar names in here

new Beginnings II NEW LIFE

Well I've given an inside look at what a stroke looks like.     My purpose here has been to try and motivate others to do what it takes to avoid a stroke.   They are LIFE-CHANGING events.   You can still have a good life but I promise you it will forever be different from what it was pre-stroke.Here are just a few changes you will see in your life.

•  no driving
• loss of independence
• loss of many physical  abilities
• small list of wardrobe choices
• perpetual discomfort or pain
• inevitable weight gain due to inability to work out
• travel restrictions
• struggle with public venues that have poor access
• "hairy eyeball" from those that don't understand your disability
• inability to have  gainful employment

I want to thank everyone for reading these blogs and for the supportive comments.  I will be continuing my journey down the road of this new life of mine now but will update y'all on any significant events in these New Beginnings.   Please stay tuned to other blogs of mine on various subject matters.  If you have a subject you'd like to see me spot a light on, send me a note.  Blessings All

New Beginnings II day to day

I've given you the back story to my stroke and now I will try to give you a glimpse into day to day life with a post-stroke survivor.    SURVIVOR being the key word.  Anyone living through a stroke of the magnitude of mine is a  SURVIVOR at a minimum,  Rehab is a bonus.  I have been blessed to be able to begin a new life.  Different from my pre-stroke, but a good one  nonetheless.  Someone asked me the other day  in what way did the stroke affect my day to day activities.  The only way for someone to know without actually having a stroke is to simulate  best as possible so here is how you can do that.  Before going to bed one night, put an oven mitt on one hand and do not take it off for 24 hours   for  NOTHING!..  When you get up, carry a cane or stick in your other hand anytime you are walking anywhere.    Do everything like that, go to the bathroom,   bathe, fix a meal, pour a cup of coffee and carry it to the table or another room.  Get dressed, do household chores,    IF you carry out this assignment and don't cheat even once, you will have a little understanding of how a massive stroke can affect  your   ADLs (activities of daily life). With help from others and some creative adjustments, I am able to get by but my independence took a big hit.
There is much more affected that would be difficult for you to simulate. 1. The loss of peripheral vision to my left keeps me from EVER driving again, creates a perpetual obstacle course as I move about.i.e.  walking into things to my left that I didn't see, reading and not seeing the letters  at the beginning of a sentence are some. 2.severe foot drop which means my toes drag the ground on my left foot while walking which creates a constant trip hazard.  Wearing an AFO (ankle/foot/orthotic brace) helps but doesn't eliminate the problem. 3. spasticity which is the tightening up of your muscle tone to the degree it's very painful and can cause your toes (in my case) or fingers to curl involuntarily on the affected side. Medicine can help this but not fix it. 4. Nueropathy which is nerve pain, severe at times, Those are just a few worth mentioning.

ne beginnings II Daily Life

After 4 months of medical recovery and  intensive rehab.   I finally was able to begin a new life.  Emphasis on  LIFE!  After being told I would die, then   you'll never walk again, I had proved the "medical experts" wrong.  The man upstairs has decided I have more work to do in this life so I decided that I would work harder than  I ever had and not waste this second chance.   I pushed myself physically, mentally. emotionally and spiritually  further than ever before!.  At times, the pain was  INTENSE, but all I had to do was think about what could have been and it was easy to train myself to just "suck it up" and keep working.   taking baby steps, I was soon able to increase my physical workload. There were still many deficits that would be changed forever, but this just meant my life would be different, but there's THAT word again,  LIFE.   I have one! 
  Following is a small list of those changes,    would never drive again due to vision problems,  walk with a cane for balance, walk with a brace on left foot/leg because of severe foot drop, cannot walk and carry something because my 1 good hand had to hold the cane, no more clothes with buttons/snaps or belts , shoestrings, getting up from  a crouching position or the floor required assistance,  walking into things to my left because of left side neglect residual , greatly weakened stamina due to lack of exercise.   Well that was just a small list of what i dealt with after returning home from the hospital. I saw it as just "speedbumps" in my recovery........    Stay tuned to my next blog to see where I'm at  now and my current day to day struggle with these post-stroke affects....

Ella Jane Free

This blog is dedicated to my Grandma Free, known as Ella Jane to non-Family.  Today is her birthday, though we lost her in 1989.  Due to  other's actions I didn't get to spend much time with her until my twenties but I sure tried to make up for it by taking vacations and weekends off to spend with this special lady.  We had many long one on one chats about her life, my life, and life in general.  She was not an educated woman but highly intelligent, wise and full of common sense.  She was well read, which made her more "worldly" than she may have been given credit for.  She had this unique ability to "read" people that I think I inherited from her. Grandma Free's number one  mission in life was her Family.  They took priority over EVERYTHING including her own wants & desires.  She spent her life sacrificing for her children and extended family.  What makes that stand out is she emphasised to me that would have it no other way.  No regrets! I'm not sure all of her family realized or appreciated that, but most did.  She never had the opportunity to get out of her small north Georgia community until I was able to bring her to my house near Atlanta and then to St. Augustine Florida to see the ocean for the first time.  She was in her 70s then.  We had a  GREAT time!  I have to say I could hardly keep up with her as she was used to walking everywhere.  That, combined with her excitement was  a tough challenge for me to keep pace with.  One of my favorite memories was waking up each morning at her house to the smell of an old fashioned southern breakfast.     could she cook you ask ?    LORD YES!   I have too many memories over those ten years to mention here but suffice it to say they were all great and forever etched in my mind.  She taught me a  LOT about life and being a "good person".  If I am ever half the person she was, I will be a really fine person.   Grandma Free, I miss you terribly and will ALWAYS love you!        HAPPY BIRTHDAY

new beginnings II getting my life back

...   Being transfered to Kernan after two long months of medical recovery  in Shock Trauma  was just what I needed.  I  had heard for years about the acclaimed physical rehab success rate here.My first day, the PTs greeted me in my room and promptly put me in a wheelchair and rolled me to the gym.   After spending 6 hours a day doing a variety of exercises on my legs and upper body I was asked.. "What are your goals?"        I had a simple answer....   WALK   WALK   WALK.   So I spent two more months in the  hospital  going through TOUGH physical work that any Marine drill instructor would be proud of.     I made the mistake only once of saying "I can't" because my PT (physical therapist) promptly  yelled    "do 10 more now"!"   This tough approach was a trademark of Kernan and is a cornerstone of their success.   As tough as the regimen was, the PTs & OTs (occupational therapists) executed their jobs with compassion and empathy without being too "soft".
By the time I left Kernan  I was abled to walk short distances with a quad cane and had regained  some use/mobility of my left arm.   I was told I had a strong case of hemiparesis which is weakness on one side.... 
My next phase  of recovery would take place at home, that place I had not seen since that fateful day of my stroke 4 months prior when I set out to pick my little girl up from school..........   stay tuned for my next blog for those ecperiences.....

new beginnings II - Dying twice

....  by now, I was faced with the toughest fight in my life.  The stroke had taken away the use of the left side of my body.  Just imagine half of your body not working and how that would affect you.  I suffered from extreme  "Left side neglect" as well which means my brain couldn't recognize  ANYTHING on my left side including people or objects to my left.   This caused everyone to approach me from my right or be ignored.  One of the more terrifying moments was when my nurse held my left hand up in front of me to challenge my brain to recognize it.  I started sobbing hysterically   (which is a normal reaction I'm told) as if it were a monster as a child.   This "shock" paid off though as I started to slowly recognize my left side body parts, although the neglect for objects remained and  still does to a lesser degree.
One of the most humiliating parts of recovery is the necessity to wear adult diapers because the nerve endings killed by the stroke included those that tell you when you need to go to the bathroom.  I hated it but it was necessary.  There's not much more humbling to a 42 year old man than  to be rolled around as a nurse's aide changed your diaper like a baby.  You have to remember my mind was not affected at all.  My cognitive ability, logical reasoning, overall intelligence remained the same  and yet here my body was being treated  like an infant.
 The scariest moments post surgery were the two times I "coded" (heart stopped beating) and I became a "code blue"!   I stopped breathing as well until they put a "trache" in my windpipe,  I still carry that scar.  Fortunately they reacted fast and revived me.
Another scary time was when my feeding tube site became extremely infected(oozing green) and I had a temp off of the charts and they rushed me into an ice bath!....I ended up at one time or another with a life threatening infection like MERSA 5 times during my two month stay in Shock Trauma.  I was finally transfered to a full inpatient rehab facility called Kernan......   See my next blog for the start of my physical recovery/rehab......

new beginnings II - Shock Trauma

....   First thing I remember after being medevac'd to Shock Trauma was being pushed down the hall in a hospital bed.  I saw my mom standing in the hall. She came by the bed to see me and I told her.. "  mama don't let me die!"  She told me I would be fine through her tears.  Next I remember being real cold as a guy was shaving the hair from a large spot on the right side of my skull.   Being worried how my "great" hair would look afterwards, I begged him to just go ahead and shave it all off rather than look "goofy".  He told me he was only allowed to shave the area designated by the nuero-surgeon.   The next thing I remember is waking upwith a TREMENDOUS headache and thick bandages wrapped around my head.  I next remember a doctor explaining that  I had suffered a massive Hemmoragic stroke on the right side of my brain.  He cut out a large piece of my skull in order to relieve the pressure on my brain from the bleeding and subsequent swelling.   He explained that as soon as the swelling went down enough, I would return to surgery in order for them to put the cut out piece from my skull  back in place.  Through all of this I was paralyzed completely on my left side.  ( R side of brain controls L side of body).  After a  couple days they explained I would never walk again and likely  would be bedridden for the rest of my life. I immediately shook my head NO and my mom told the doctor " you don't know my son! He WILL walk again and take his daughter for a walk at the park"  The doctor said he'd buy us a steak if I was ever able to walk again.after being in the bed a week, I was ready to get the devil out of there!  I kept trying to get out of bed because I planned to sneak out and take the train home.  Finally, in order to teach me that I was unable to walk, they stood me up next to my bed and I screamed in agony as my atrophied muscles and damaged nerve endings tried to work.  At that point I realized this would be a long-term obstacle, but I was determined I would  WIN!..............more on my next blog..........

new beginnings II

HOW IT ALL STARTED on March 7, 2002  I headed out to pick up Sarah from school as it was my day to spend with her.   She lived about   60-90 minutes. away.   I was nearly to Hampstead when I noticed I was running over  the centerline orange cones, one after another and was confused why.  I had an incredible thirst and decided to stop at a 7-11 for a coke.  While there  I had difficulty getting out of the car.  my left hand didn't have any coordination.  after a passerby helped me out of the car, someone called 911.  the police and an ambulance responded.  I was laying on the ground by now.   I heard Holly, a paramedic and someone I knew.   as they helped me into the ambulance I said  " I've had a stroke, right ?".  they said it appeared so.     I kept shouting "someone has to pick up Sarah!"   finally Holly said she had called my ex-wife & Sarah's mom to go get her from school.     The next thing I remember is being in the ER  with all sorts of folks around me.   one doctor told me that I likely would not live through the night.    Holly insisted they medivac me to University of Maryland's shock trauma unit in Baltimore.  The next thing I remember is.........  (will tell the next phase of my new beginnings  II in my next blog  )

Ms. Carlyn Einsel

Today's blog is about someone very few of you knew, but should have.  it's about a friend of mine that passed a few days ago.     Ms. Carlyn Einsel of Maryland.    Ms, Carlyn was an extraordinary woman who led a long and respected life.  She  was a teacher, both of the school variety and of life.  She is the mother of my best friend from Maryland.   Ms Carlyn taught elementary school  and taught open hearth pioneer style cooking & other crafts.   More importantly she taught people how to treat one another with respect and unconditional love.  She helped her daughter Holly (aforementioned friend) to get past biases,etc. and to become a great friend to me.She took care of my daughter  after my stroke and Sarah's mom was at work.  She always made sure Sarah was well cared for. I Will always be indebted to her for that.  She exposed Sarah to things like "scones&Tea" at a local tea shop.She was friendly with everyone she met.  Most importantly, she molded into and taught my friend Holly how to be the great friend she is to me.  THANK YOU Ms. Carlyn for what you contributed to my life, for that, you will live on always!

IMIGRATION thoughts

I realize this is one of the big issues and a very tender one at that.   So, despite my instincts otherwise, here I go.......   There are two distinct sides here
1.  against it
2.  For it
But it doesn't have to be that way.  There are various shades of both sides.  The facts are;     There are both illegal and legal imigrants  in the  U.S.   They are NOT the same folks.   There are  over twenty  MILLION illegals here.   Although many are of a hispanic origin, they are not all Mexicans.   They  do put a drain on infrastructure  (schools,roads,water supply,police/fire,etc), They DO pay taxes   (sales&other misc) but do NOT pay income tax. 

Sadly, some folks objection to immigrants illegal or legal is based on race.  There are others, myself included,    who's objection is $$ related.

Okay, how do we solve it?     Let's start with what we CANNOT do........
1.    cannot  round up 20,000,000 hiding folks, the logistics alone prevents that.
2. cannot just turn our heads and offer free & clear amnesty.

What can we do ?   none of these solve the problem by themself.
1.  FIRST   We   TIGHTEN up the borders. and     not some hokey fence either.      2.  We create a comprehensive process that assimilates those  aforementioned 20 million .
3.  as part B of  1 and 2, We streamline the process that enables new immigrants tobecome citizens, full taxpaying citizens.   One thing that is  NOT acceptable is to do Nothing!    We've done nothing for over twenty years

Fathers vs. Daddys

a few random thoughts about fatherhood  here since Father's Day is upon us....  Everyone knows the biological part. and that anyone can be a father.  it takes  very little to help father a child,  BUT it takes someone Special to be a Daddy (or any variation of the word)....  a Daddy does more than just be a provider.  He  TEACHES!  He shows his children how to be a decent, caring, and contributing member of society.  He    SACRIFICES!  He put's his children's best interest ahead of his own.  Always!!..       the  BIG one....  He  LOVES.......   UNCONDITIONALLY!!.  Period.

i know there are some men who fall far short of these ideals.   SHAME on them!

As for me, I grew up in a fatherless home. I did not meet my Dad until I was 30 but now have a loving relationship.  He has elevated himself from being simply a father   to a Dad.   .. I, myself am a Dad to a  15 year old daughter .    despite some nice professional accomplishments, i have  ALWAYS maintained that being a  DADDY is my Best!    I  love you Sarah!

New beginnings

This blog will be about a variety of subjects and shades thereof, thus the tyedye inference.. today is about new  beginnings..   The biggest 'new beginnings' event in my life is   the massive stroke i had in 2002. I and/or my family was told multiple times that i would not live the night and they were almost right as I 'coded' more than once that night.     the next day the doctors said well ' he will never sit up in bed, much less walk again...     WRONG!    with the support of family and friends & the hard physical therapy I received in my 4 month stay in the hospital,I walk and function pretty normal with some disability due to a hemi-paresis  'left side weakness'.  I fight nueropothy and pretty low stamina, but I  AM HERE & FUNCTIONING..  I was given a NEW BEGINNING.    The next biggest new beginning is from when I finally found the LOVE OF MY LIFE after 51 years.  I reconnected with an old schoolmate. Rhonda northcutt, Spears and after working through multiple 'speedbumps, WE have both started a  NEW BEGINNING, starting with a wedding later this year......   The last NEW BEGINNING is of a financial nature.   after some close family members wiped me out, I am starting a  NEW BEGINNING financially, which will be a challenge when you live on a fixed disability income, know what though?    I AM a SURVIVOR and will get through this too!.